Talking about prenups might not be the most romantic part of planning your future together, but it is one of the most financially responsible. Think of it like insurance: you hope you never need it, but if you do, you’ll be glad it’s in place.
So, when should you consider having a prenuptial agreement? It’s not just for celebrities and billionaires. Here are a few real-world scenarios where having a prenup can make a lot of sense, financially and emotionally.
One or Both Partners Have Significant Assets
If you’ve worked hard to build wealth, whether that’s a house, investments, a thriving business, or a hefty retirement account, a prenup helps ensure those assets are protected. It’s especially useful if there’s a large difference in net worth between partners.
You’re Entering a Second (or Later-in-Life) Marriage
Later-in-life marriages often come with more financial complexity: kids from a previous marriage, aging parents to care for, or a nest egg you’ve spent years building. A prenup can help clarify what stays with you and what becomes shared, and it can ensure your children or other heirs are protected.
You Own a Business
If you own a company or are part of a business partnership, a prenup can prevent your personal relationship from interfering with your professional one. Without a prenup, a divorce could entitle your spouse to a portion of the business, potentially jeopardizing operations, ownership, or even the jobs of employees.
One of You Has Significant Debt
Prenups aren’t just about protecting wealth – they can protect you from liability, too. If your partner has student loans, credit card debt, or a bankruptcy in the past, a prenup can help ensure you’re not legally or financially tied to that debt in the event of a split.
How to Approach the Prenup Conversation
Communication is key to any successful long-term relationship. As you start moving toward a commitment, you might want to consider pre-marital counseling. These sessions can facilitate conversations around money, family, values, and expectations, often revealing assumptions or anxieties that a legal document alone can’t address. Opening up this dialogue, in conjunction with discussing a prenuptial agreement, can help lay the foundation for success moving forward.
Now, when you’re ready to sit down with your partner for the prenup discussion, this is what we suggest:
Choose the Right Time and Setting
Timing matters. Aim to have the conversation well in advance of your wedding or engagement to allow plenty of space for open discussion – ideally in a relaxed, private setting where both of you can speak freely and without distractions.
Approach It as a Team Conversation
Use inclusive language to emphasize that the goal is to plan for your shared future. A helpful way to frame it might be: “I’d like us to talk about how we can protect each other financially and make sure we have a plan in place, no matter what life brings.”
Also, remind your partner that having a prenup in place might ease some tension with adult children. As our relationships with our kids evolve, they start looking out for us as much as we look out for them. Having an agreement in place might make everyone feel like you’re on the same page.
Emphasize Transparency, Not Distrust
Prenups are not about expecting failure—they’re about ensuring clarity and fairness. Reassure your partner that this is part of a broader financial planning conversation, designed to support both parties and protect your mutual interests.
Involve Financial and Legal Professionals
Bringing in a neutral third party, such as a financial advisor or estate planning attorney, can take the pressure off both of you and ensure that the process is fair, objective, and informed by best practices. This also helps each party feel heard and represented.
Allow Time for Thoughtful Discussion
Avoid treating the prenup conversation as a single event. Allow space for questions, emotions, and follow-up conversations. Both partners should feel comfortable with the pace and process.
Keep the Focus on Long-Term Goals
Reiterate that this conversation is about building a strong foundation, not just for legal protection, but for your overall financial wellness as a couple. A prenup is one element of a comprehensive financial plan that reflects your shared values and goals.
Final Thought: It’s Not About Expecting the Worst
A prenup doesn’t mean you’re planning for the marriage to fail. It means you’re willing to have tough conversations, protect each other’s interests, and create a secure foundation—whatever life brings.
And if you’re not sure where to start? A financial advisor and estate planning attorney can help you and your partner understand your options, outline the big financial questions, and make sure your prenup supports your life plans.